Sunday, October 24, 2010

Back home

Left last Sunday for savannah GA.
Loved it there. Wish we would have had more time.

Then on to Patriot's Point, SC (in charleston harbor)
to step foot on the Yorktown. Emotionally draining.

Then downtown charleston the next day and on to Asheville
NC. Biltmore on Thursday. Thomas Wolfe home on Friday
Oct. 22.

Then on to nashville to stay with Lauren.

Then home.

Really need to get back on the habit of writing.

I want to say things that will hurt, so I just don't say anything,

Strange dreams. My dad working in a hardware shop.
Me on the doctor's exam table. I think I am most likely
doomed, but I seem too optimistic and the doctor seems
so cheerful.

*

had this episode at Biltmore. Can't explain it, really. Thought
I was having a stroke or something. Heart beating very fast.
Head with this strange vise-like feeling all around it. No pain.

The only time I feel good and unafraid and capable of doing anything
is when I am half tanked.

I don't want to give up. I don't believe in the we all have a destiny
or time or whatever. We fucking have to keep believing. I don't
want to be so beaten down that I can't keep believing.

there is so much to what little I say. It rolls through my head
all day. I am just not up to the getting it on the page.

what is the point? if the point is to get better, then i need to do it.

Fuck. Don't matter. Still so damned stuck.

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