Wednesday, December 08, 2010

The Training

They tell you
what to say
and how to say
what you say
without seeming
to be giving
advice,
without being
intrusive as the lone
warbler in the holly
singing its heart out
at four AM.

They tell you
the best thing
you can do
is listen,
let your ears
become
white porcelain
gods, black grates
spread across
the wide divide,
the softness
of a summer
lawn, echoes
inside a tunnel.

They say:
you make a plan,
set goals, make
certain the goals
are reasonable--
lay the blueprint
kind of thing--
as if you are designing
a city and need
to know
where to place
the subdivisions,
the shopping malls,
the grocery stores--
anywhere
but the shady alley,
the worn couch
in a dark
livingroom,
the new bed,
sheets twisted,
body entangled
in the messiness
of living.

How many of them
work the front line,
I wonder, as I choose
a doughnut I don't want,
coffee I will drink
from necessity, make
small talk with others
who know, too,
the salvation of small
talk and bad food.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Dog Asleep on Floor: All's Right in the World


I was going to write about what seemed
or seems right with the world at this moment
and just lost it. Seems pretentious (don't even know
if that's how to spell the damn word--cant spell anymore).

to write about how good the house smells
fresh vegetables, garlic, onions, herbs
how even the sneezing and cold outside
don't seem to matter.

But im tanked. that;s why. let me sober up and things
won't seem so whole and right. why cant there be something
out there somewhere to allow me this? then i would not
be fat and unhealthy. my heart and liver would love
me. all my friends would say Gee, you look great
what have you been doing to look so great? and the energy
i'd have, oh, gee whiz, man oh man. just to think about it
makes my head spin.

and the dog is asleep on the floor near the kitchen, filled
with the aroma of my caring. and the house is warm enough
and my clothes are packed for the next trip. and i am not
alone but always feel alone. and it's not one person's fault.
not anyones./ and i feel too much shame and guilt to write
about what i want to say and i think i may always.

but i am at this moment ok. another sneeze rising,
postnasal drip choking me. time for another sip
of elixir. oh yes.