Illusions

How this day goes on, and there seems
no end to its giving: how the slivers
in the tall grass cut my arms as I carry them
to the trash bin, leaving marks that will fade
into skin, into nothing the eye will observe
in a few days, how the dog, released from
her encampment, has tromped through
the green perennials until I am sure
they are afraid to push themselves back
up again, how the blood has warmed in my cold
body until I think there is nothing cold anywhere
on this earth, except perhaps the longings,
leaning ever to the right in the brisk wind,
how days are when death is near, or sickness
overcomes and every minute feels the hours
bought and sold, the immune system deciphering
codes of healing and grace, how it feels there will be
no better even when the broth has soothed and the fever
breaks, and I wonder why it is that the day
only seems short when there is happiness,
or a sense of accomplishment, as if longevity
could be measured in such terms, some strange
barometer hanging on a wall in an empty room,
its colored water fading, its purpose losing
more each day, failing as all things do at some
point, to deliver happy or distressing news,
and those foolish enough to rely on things
like barometers or hours become untethered,
like a kite let loose from a child's hands, tears
flowing from her eyes, her father
telling her it's just the nature of kites to fly
on, to leave, to find themselves at home
in the blue, not too terribly unlike the blue
of your eyes, he says, as he looks into your eyes,
the grayish-blue wisdom of his own calling it a day.

Time Keeps on Slipping

A very long dry spell

Everywhere around me, things are dying. It's so dry.

Dead leaves are falling from the trees, my garden phlox
looks terrible, and it's so hot I don't feel like going outside
to do anything.

But I am pushing myself. Walking at least 2 miles a day.
Problem with me is I never stick with a plan I put in place
to make me stronger.

I give up just when it looks quite probable that I am actually
going to make it.


There's always been an actual sense of dread when I near my
goal. We'll see how long I can keep this up.

So, through this long dry spell, in which words won't come, or if
they do, they don't say much to anyone and they don't say much
to me or much of what is inside, too weary to be cajoled or humored
into coming out.

So, I've been walking, reading, watching lots of old movies, cooking,
some cleaning, visiting with my grandchild and some friends.

Watched this one last night: Do your duty.

And the night before, one of those nights when I wanted to open
my window and scream I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take
this anymore, I watched Network.

And: An idea is a greater monument than a cathedral.

And today, this one.

***************************************

Went to the Farmer's Market this morning. Think I'll go eat
some cantalope and watermelon.

What is the meaning of a flower?

"If you really want to help this world,
what you will have to teach is how to live in it."

Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth--The Message
of Myth, Part I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W7jK5Pmzik

Once in a Lifetime

I love this song--obviously--I post it often enough. It makes me sad and makes me feel good at the same time--same as it ever was...

Yesterday

My friend says I was not a good son
you understand
I say yes I understand

he says I did not go
to see my parents very often you know
and I say yes I know

even when I was living in the same city he says
maybe I would go there once
a month or maybe even less
I say oh yes

he says the last time I went to see my father
I say the last time I saw my father

he says the last time I saw my father
he was asking me about my life
how I was making out and he
went into the next room
to get something to give me

oh I say
feeling again the cold
of my father's hand the last time
he says and my father turned
in the doorway and saw me
look at my wristwatch and he
said you know I would like you to stay
and talk with me

oh yes I say

but if you are busy he said
I don't want you to feel that you
have to
just because I'm here

I say nothing

he says my father
said maybe
you have important work you are doing
or maybe you should be seeing
somebody I don't want to keep you

I look out the window
my friend is older than I am
he says and I told my father it was so
and I got up and left him then
you know

though there was nowhere I had to go
and nothing I had to do

W.S. Merwin

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion