Oh Yes

So, another gift tonight. Watering the plants
out front. The rhododendrons. Water also spraying
the azaleas, whose roots run deep, requiring little
care. Out she jumped! Thought it was a grasshopper.

It began swaying on the sidewalk. Stevie Wonder-like.
I was singing, in my mind, Still Waters Run Deep/Bridge
Over Troubled Water--Aretha song I heard on NPR
last Saturday. Perhaps why church came to mind.
Filled with the spirit sorta thing.

There she was. Swaying, then lifting her front legs
from the pavement and making a dash for the azalea
cover. Another praying mantis. Have not seen so many
in such a long time.

Makes me think of the year I went out to sit in the antique
wicker rocker on my screened-in porch and felt eyes on me.
Could see, out of the corner of my eye, movement.

Turned, and there they were. Hundreds of baby praying
mantisses. Amazing thing to see, right here in little podunk
nowhere.

Amazing. They thought I was their mommy. They wanted
to be all over me. Should have taken a picture.

Old people just grow lonesome

So says Mr. Prine. Love that song. Lonesome I've
known so long, but I am sure there are as many kinds
of lonesome as there are wildflowers.

*

To Lexington and back this weekend. Moved Wes back
for the fall semester. Summer flew by. Seems he just got
here for the summer and he's gone again. Don't think he'll
want to live here again in the summer, or ever. Not much
here except his dad and me. He learned many things this summer--
some very difficult things. All part of growing, becoming
more himself. Hard to watch some of it but necessary.

Had dinner with Christopher, Jess, and Isaac. Spent several
hours there Saturday. Isaac brings me great joy. I smile more,
laugh more, recognize my limitations in ways that challenge
me to make a difference (GiGi has a hard time getting up
and down, playing chase, roughhousing, etc. GiGi needs to lose
some weight and tone up her arms and strengthen her legs),
see the beauty of my life unfolding again in this new life.

*

Butterflies were slaughtering themselves in vast numbers
Saturday. So many different types, colors, sizes smashing
into my windshield. Saddens me. This hot summer has been
good for two things: fewer mosquitoes and so many lovely
butterflies.

*
Watering the flowers a few nights ago. Was spraying the wood
ferns next to the house when I felt someone or something
watching me. Bent down to see a young praying mantis. Hard
to detect him there, but I saw him. Just stood and kept spraying
the ferns to the right of him so I could just look at him.

Watched him bring his front legs to his face, cat-like, and clean
the water from his face. Drink the water. Just a few nights before,
saw another one about his size climbing up my basil plant. He kept
cocking his head to follow my movements. Interesting little
creatures. That day, I got stung by a wasp, saw two rabbits,
a praying mantis, several varieties of butterflies, a red-tailed
hawk, a baby robin who just stopped and watched me water,
and a few dragonflies. They've been hanging around my car.
Thinking about that and them.

*

Good food again. That wonderful orzo with roasted vegetables.
Has become one of my favorite meals. Serving pork chops
marinated in chili sauce, orange rind, soy, brown sugar.
Tender. Nice complement to the roasted veggies with orzo.

*

Finally, not so hot today. Less humid. Lower 90s. Breeze.
It's all good at the moment.

Hello in There

Flex--what a lovely word!!!!!

My day. Only 2 hours early, but it sure helps. The day
after I'm on call, I can leave work 2 hours early
(theoretically speaking--doesn't always work out
that way!). I don't get to flex because of the on call,
but because we have treatment team every morning
(except Wednesday) now at an earlier time.

Only one call last night. 60 mile round trip. A child.
I am not a children's crisis case manager, but all of the
case managers are responsible for assessing children
when they are on call. Wasn't there too long. Think
we have a good plan.

I am beginning to think I am never going to adjust
to the on call routine. I stay in alert mode and can't
go to sleep. I've always had trouble sleeping, but this
is particularly bad. I keep thinking that the minute I fall
into a sound sleep, the phone will ring. And it does, quite
often.

2 weeks ago, I had worked all day, and then, just as I was
turning out the light that night (around 10), I got called
out. That particular call was local, but I had to transport
the client to the Crisis Stabilization Unit--a 70 mile round trip.
It turned out to be about a 3 1/2 hour on call. Got home, got
in bed, was turning out the light, and got called again (it
was about 2:30 AM). Had to go to the psychiatric hospital
(another 70 mile round trip). Did not get home until 5:30, then had
to go to my office to get some notes in so I could come home
and try to sleep a few hours before going back to work.
Wore me out!

The saving grace is how lovely the farms and lakes and ponds
look as the sun is coming up. Hear some interesting stuff on NPR
that time of the morning, too. Sadly, I am too tired today
to even think of even one of those broadcasts. I listen as I drive
and think, Now, that's interesting. I shall have to research, but then
I get caught up in the business of the day and the busyness
of my nights, and I just can't remember.

So, almost 2 years into my career, and I have learned so much.
And I have aged so much! Crisis can be draining, but I believe
in what I am doing.

Taking my very tired ass into the kitchen to start chopping peppers.
Pasta salad. B B Q chicken. Fresh corn.

This makes me think of Douglas Adams. I love the Planet Earth series!

Thought

I am just going to go sit on the porch.