Wednesday, September 04, 2019
Tuesday, September 03, 2019
Visited Christopher
We visited Christopher last weekend. It was the first time we had been able to stay all night with him in over 5 years (he and Jessica separated in April 2014). It was a good weekend with him and Meghan, and we got to talk and share in ways we haven't in years. That helped this mother's heart.
He took a pic of Robin and me. I never let anyone take my picture because I don't want old friends and acquaintances to look at the whale of a woman I have become, but he shared it on Facebook, so now they know. I have kept my face and body off there for years. I will share the picture here. Maybe one day I will decide I don't want to be a lard ass forever and I will be able to compare pics and go, Goodness! Look at you! You look wonderful! Because, that appears to be the only thing I think about. Which is incredibly sad. That I cannot mean more than my body size. By the way, I am supposed to talk to myself like I would talk to a friend. Would I ever tell a friend they were a lard ass or big as a whale? No, I would listen to them talk about how they feel and then be encouraging.
I slept so poorly at Christopher's though I did not have any alcohol either night. Alcohol supposedly interferes with sleep. Last night, I drank. And, I slept so soundly for about 4.5 hours (8-12:30). I woke up, went to the bathroom, took my meds, and went back to sleep and slept another 4.5 hours. I can tell I got some sleep.
That's all I want to type right now. I thought about setting some goals, but I don't want to right now.
He took a pic of Robin and me. I never let anyone take my picture because I don't want old friends and acquaintances to look at the whale of a woman I have become, but he shared it on Facebook, so now they know. I have kept my face and body off there for years. I will share the picture here. Maybe one day I will decide I don't want to be a lard ass forever and I will be able to compare pics and go, Goodness! Look at you! You look wonderful! Because, that appears to be the only thing I think about. Which is incredibly sad. That I cannot mean more than my body size. By the way, I am supposed to talk to myself like I would talk to a friend. Would I ever tell a friend they were a lard ass or big as a whale? No, I would listen to them talk about how they feel and then be encouraging.
I slept so poorly at Christopher's though I did not have any alcohol either night. Alcohol supposedly interferes with sleep. Last night, I drank. And, I slept so soundly for about 4.5 hours (8-12:30). I woke up, went to the bathroom, took my meds, and went back to sleep and slept another 4.5 hours. I can tell I got some sleep.
That's all I want to type right now. I thought about setting some goals, but I don't want to right now.
Saturday, August 31, 2019
Friday, August 30, 2019
Compelled
Why do I fell compelled to share things on Facebook? I must think someone might find them interesting. But, then, no one comments, and I wonder why I am the only one who seems to find them interesting. Then, I must remember, I have unfriended over 200 people from FB and am left with 44, and maybe that 44 have no interest, but the reason I kept them was because I thought they did. Maybe I am wrong on so many levels. About people, interests, FB, why I share, what I need to do to help myself feel like I belong somewhere.
8:50 on a Friday night.
8:50 on a Friday night.
Thursday, August 29, 2019
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