Wondering

So, I made appetizers to eat for lunch Christmas Eve day as I thought that would hold us all over until I cooked a big meal that evening (beef stroganoff), which I did not end up cooking.  Lauren said they were coming that morning, and Wes texted that he was on his way around 10 or so, so appetizers sounded like a great planning strategy on my part only it wasn't. Lauren, Jon, and the babies left later than they had planned to leave and got McDonald's on the way, so they weren't hungry. Wes was hungry when he got here but filled up on the chips and salsa (I had not cooked the stuffed mushrooms, wings, nor cranberry brie tarts yet), so I had these foods arranged on the table: chips and salsa, herbed oyster crackers, buffalo and plain chicken wings, cranberry brie tarts, and stuffed mushrooms. I had queso with rotel in the crock pot, and spiced nuts and magic cookie bars in the dining room. I also had homemade chocolate chip cookie dough in the fridge for Santa.

Lauren didn't eat. She said she was sick and was afraid she was getting the flu. Jon didn't eat because he ate at McD's and the kids didn't eat because they ate at McD's. Wes ate a wing or two and a few of the mushrooms. Robin ate several of the brie tarts and lots of magic cookie bars. There was still a table full of food out at 3, so I scrapped the idea of cooking stroganoff thinking we could just eat what was already cooked. I had already prepped the asparagus and had peeled, seeded, and cubed the butternut squash to be cooked that night, but none of that got cooked.

I still needed to prepare the overnight blueberry French toast casserole, so I did that and made Santa some cookies, but I only baked a dozen and kept the rest of the dough in the fridge.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I didn't plan well.  I spent 339 dollars and worked hard but really didn't have to and didn't need to.  I just can't seem to get these holiday plan things figured out.  Is there a lesson in this for me?  I guess the lesson is eat out on Christmas Eve, forget about trying to have some kind of traditional meal, and just continue to do a Christmas day brunch.  I feel exhausted, but I guess what I feel the most is that all of those things I attempted to do really didn't matter.

The kids don't expect it nor do they seem to care particularly about a tradition. I put the pressure on myself.

Christmas brunch didn't go much better. It took a long time to make everything, and Linda and crew were really late this year, so we didn't start eating until two (plan was for 1:00). Wes and Jon hardly said anything during brunch, and then Jon disappeared to the porch and didn't interact at all with Linda, Elizabeth, and Bradley. I overcooked the French toast casserole (slightly--it was still good) and hardly any of the potatoes got eaten though everyone said they were good--just "rich."  Sigh.

I guess I am just feeling like a failure. What other reason would all of it be bothering me so much?

Zollie and Keen had a big time, and they made me smile often.  Christmas is about the children.