How I feel

 I am going to die a sad, lonely woman, like my mother.  Not one person who knew her has called me to express sympathy, other than my friends, some of whom did not know her.  I will die lonely and without a close friend.  I think that is so sad.  I don't know how to change that.  My mother did not know, I think, that she was dying all alone.  I hope that is true for me.  It hurts my heart so much to think I have no one who can be here for me on a regular basis.  I was driving around a few days ago, and I realized I had no one I could just stop in to be with. No one. I thought of all of the people who can pull up at numerous people's houses and say, I need you, and those people are there for them.  I have no one.  I am so tired of being alone and lonely.  I wish for mercy.  I don't know what I ever did to make my life be like this.  I really don't.  I bet if I died this night all kinds of people would post on my FB and contact my family and tell them about how much I mattered to them, but is there one fucking person who reaches out to me regularly, who is there for me? Hell to the fucking no.  Hell no.  Hell no.  I am alone in this journey.  I am alone.