Ate lunch with my coworker (and friend), Ashley, today. She will be 28 in April--just a few months older than my oldest child. It's interesting to me that our interactions don't feel like mother/daughter as I sorta thought they might (what with having a child her age and all--yes, yes--that is Kentucky-speak!!!!). She's great fun, makes me laugh a lot, and is interesting to talk to.

So, after we ate and went our seperate ways, I passed the grocery store I used to shop in when my older two children were little ones. All of a sudden, an image of me in a yellow summer blouse, white cotton shorts, sun-tanned body, long, healthy hair, flip-flops, etc popped into my head. I was pushing the grocery cart through the produce section. Someone I knew from high school was there and she said,

"You look great! Being a mommy really suits you. And look at your kids! Oh my, they look just like you!"

I thanked her for the compliment and turned back around to look at my little girl. She was about 18 months old at the time. She was sitting in the cart, and while I had my face truned toward my friend, she had reached into the cart and gotten a green pepper out of the produce bag. She had already eaten about 1/3 of the pepper! She just looked at me and smiled and what could I do but give her a great big smile right back? And then there was my little boy over in the fruit section looking for the best bunch of bananas on the planet. He brought the biggest bunch he could find and put them in the cart.

And I thought then, as I think now, that I could not have been doing anything of any greater importance than what I was doing. I was being a mom. I was loving being a mommy and loving being a stay-at-home mommy at that.

And as all these images popped into my brain in the short little time span of a few seconds, tears started streaming down my cheeks. By the time I got home, I was full-blown sobbing. Ok...I guess we can chalk it up to hormones, but I think it's something more. For as hard as those days were in many ways, they were happier days, and I miss them.

And, I don't want to live in the past. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I can't go back. No one can. I only have this moment, and I want to fully embrace it. It just doesn't seem real or right to me that 30 years have gone by so quickly.

Yeah, I know it sounds kinda "Peggy Sue Got Married-ish", but it's how I feel today.