What a weekend...

The Chieftains did not disappoint. It's hard to feel
sad when you're listening to their music. Even when
they choose a mournful ballad, the loveliness of the music
and the unique vocal qualities simply take you away
(think Long Black Veil). I enjoyed myself in spite
of myself.

I had never been to Bloomington, so I didn't know
what to expect. It's a college town, so there's lots
to do and many wonderful small restaurants to choose
from (all of the big chains too). I opted for Indian
food one day and Panera Bread the next.

But, as with any trip, I am always so nervous
at the thought of traveling that I nearly talk
myself out of going. It's not the traveling,
really, it's traveling with bridges to cross.

I guess I am never going to get over that particular
phobia. To get to Bloomington, I had to cross the Ohio.
I could have crossed into IN from Owensboro, Louisville,
or Evansville, and as Evansville is the closest option,
I took it, but those are the bridges that started
the fear. I had a panic attack going over the northbound
bridge when I was 17 years old. I was taking my great
aunt to see my grandmother. I remember her asking
me if I was ok because it became apparent that something
was wrong with me.

I have not been able to cross those bridges since without
fear raising its ugly head in my brain and heart. I can only do it now
because I'm on medication. It keeps my body from going
into a fight or flight state, but it can't keep my brain from sending
out signals like the Robinson's robot WARNING WARNING
DANGER WILL ROBINSON

So, if my travel plans include bridges to cross, then there is no way
to avoid the apprehension. But I refuse to give up. I just wish
I knew how to make this senseless fear give up the ghost.

Nashville, IN is 16 miles from Bloomington. What a cool place!
Small shops and art galleries, and, of course, 2 wineries.
I stopped in Brown County Winery and Chateau Thomas
Winery. Chateau Thomas had a better selection. They get
most of their grapes from California, but they get some
from Indiana, as does Brown County Winery. I only
bought an Autumn White at BC for my daughter. I prefer
reds. At Chateau Thomas, I got Lauren another white--
a Dry Gewurztraminer from the Yakima Valley. I liked the taste
and think it will go well with Indian food. I bought myself
a Tosca , which has an equal blend of sangiovese and cabernet
sauvignon. It's quite good.

I was more impressed with Butler Vineyards. I went to the tasting
room in Bloomington and sampled several wines, but decided
on the 2003 and 2004 vintage Chambourcin's. Both were good
for different reasons. The '03 is oakier and medium-bodied.
The '04 a bit fruitier and not as full-bodied but good. They actually
grow 80% of their grapes in Indiana.

*

So, it was worth it to cross the bridge, but I still paid the price.
There was no way to get home without crossing it again.

*sigh*

On Saturday night, I dreamed I was getting ready to cross
a bridge. I came to the top of a hill, and as I came down the other
side, which was the bridge, all I could see was bridge for miles.
Not just bridge either. It was a roller coaster bridge. I remember
just gripping the steering wheel and thinking to myself:

There's no turning back and you have no control, so just
let the car go. Just let it go and ride along. I woke up in a sweat.

*

It snowed 2-4 inches in the Bloomington area Sat. night, so I was also
concerned about the roads, but they were fine. I have to take 37
which winds through the Hoosier National forest (or near it). It's
very hilly and curvy and many times the speed limit is only
25 mph, so I wasn't looking forward to the idea of driving it in the snow.

*

My image for the day yesterday: black cattle ambling down
solid white hills. They looked so beautiful and nonchalant
about everything that I felt calm just seeing them. I kept that
image in my head as I crossed the bridge.