I Can Understand


I could never be bulimic, but I understand
the need to binge and purge. Emotions run
that way. Let me just down all of this shit
and then puke it up and be done with it.

I've been doing that tonight in my own way.
No food involved. A burning of letters, a trashing
of emails, a tossing into the garbage can the last
remnants of a time best lost to time.

Yesterday, we had tornado warnings all day. 60
mph winds, power out again to people who had just
recently got it back, shingles off roofs, limbs falling
on cars. It was wicked.

But I woke around 5 to a waning moon. Still full
to the naked eye. It shone through the bare branches
and through my naked windows, it cast its light upon my
open eyes and I was grateful. I was at peace.

Though I am tired, I am not alone at all. There are
so many tired, hurting, cold and hungry people here.
I don't know how many are still without power.

My son ate one of those MRE meals when he was staying
all night at the shelter his church had established after
they finally got power back. Those of us who had a radio
found out (three or four days later) that those meals had
peanut butter crackers in them. Peanut butter crackers
that should not have been in them as they had been recalled
several weeks ago. My son spent part of the day in the Care
Center having IV fluids pumped into his body. Could be
salmonella, but could be a virus. More testing required.
He was sleeping when I talked to his wife earlier.

I am thinking of the irony and not appreciating it at all.
Make it through -7, no heat, little food, no lights--only
to eat some GD peanut butter crackers that should not
have been distributed.

Life is slowly getting back to normal--whatever normal is.
I suppose it's the going to work, taking a shower, being able
to cook, having heat, driving a car, talking on the phone.
I suppose that's part of normal.

I look forward to this weekend. I finally have some coworkers
who like to go to wine tastings. We are going to New Harmony, IN
tomorrow for a wine tasting. We'll stay the night at the New Harmony
Inn, do the tasting, go to the Yellow Tavern, come back to the room,
put some music on and dance our uninhibited asses off.

Here's to life going on and on and on.

And to the fact that we are all in one piece, and relatively
healthy and still wanting to be a part of the whole mess.