Facebook response #1

I am the only one near my mother (geographically speaking), and I do not check on her. The reasons are filled with complicated nonsense, but it is what it is. Someone does check on her. I am glad you could be there for your parents, James. I think you are a better human than I am. I can't do it. Yet, I think of my mother when I hear this, and I think of me and how I am likely to be in that same place some day. I won't say bad karma coming back to get me because I know the deal. I would like to think I am fairly evolved but with miles to go before I sleep, but I can't do my mom. I can't. As long as I know someone is there, I can feel somewhat better about the dissonance and the guilt and shame. I really have nothing to feel guilty about though I have lived my entire life thinking that I do. Keeps me awake many nights. Wakes me up many nights. Destroys many moments of could-be happiness. I am still working on this. I may not get to any good place before she dies or I die, but it is not because I am not trying. I have a few friends who had a less than idyllic childhood who stepped up to the plate and cared for their ailing and dying parents I have great admiration for them, as I do for you for being there. I feel like you guys were able to overcome the adversity that I have not been able to do--me, with all of my social work and crisis years--me. I can't do it. Not yet. Maybe some day. I appreciate your thoughts, James, and what you were able to do for your aging parents.