Mind Check

"If I see her, I wonder if she is going to say, "What happened to you. You're so fat!" And, so, I think of my response and say, "I can see you are still the same crass, rude bitch you always were." These were my thoughts about going to Walgreen's today.

This is how my mind works. I sent an order to Walgreen's for a picture of mine that I am going to send to Dixie.  I started thinking that K may be at work there, and I haven't seen K in a long time. I don't want to see her because I am fat. I don't want to see anyone. 

K was there. For some reason, she felt the need to come share a pic of her grandson with the woman who was checking me out. Was it because she saw me, or because she would have done that anyway.  I wasn't expecting her to know how I was because I am so very large.  I look nothing like I once did.  But, she knew me.  She spoke to me as she busily looked through her phone to show her co-worker a picture of her grandson, Little Mr Hopkins County, from today's Veteran Parade.

I reached across the counter and said, "Let me hug your neck." I  do not know why I did that.  The girl checking out my order explained how the receipt reflected that someone in my household has a birthday in November, so using my Walgreen's card this month will give me extra points. K said, "She has a birthday," without missing a note as the girl was talking.  I said, "You remember? And, I know your birthday is in September."

After that, there was small talk. She said she just turned 63. I said I just turned 61 and explained to the girl checking me out that I was the baby of the group, and the others always came to pick me up to do things. I said, "They felt sorry for me." K said, "That's not true. We just came to get you."

I wonder how much I have skewed things in my life to keep up this awful agenda of hurting myself and believing people don't care. 

K was ...was...just normal.  Just like she saw me yesterday or two weeks ago though I haven't seen her in over 20 years.

I need to contemplate this occurrence and what the Universe is trying to tell me.

I shall post of the text message I got a few nights ago next.  I am wiped out from this unexpected kindness.