I forgive you, Mother

 

"I forgive you, Mother, I can hear you, and I long to be near you, but every road leads to an end. Yes, every road leads to an end. Your apparition passes through me in the willows, five red hens, you'll never see us again, you'll never see us again."

Death With Dignity, Sufjan Stevens

And, my mother died with dignity. She left here with dignity and, with what I think was a ready heart, one that had known good days and bad and was at peace. She could not say those things. I just felt them. I am glad she didn't know much at the end. Five red hens (my mother's five children).

This grief. It is hard. My mother and I had a strained relationship (my words). I don't think she would have said that about me and us before she got so confused, but I don't know. She said other things and we were so many worlds apart and just four blocks away from one another. I am just speculating about what she thought. Before we stopped talking, we really only ever made civil conversation.

My heart is with all of you who have been here where I am this night, and for those of you fortunate enough to have a loving, good relationship with your mom or your dad or both, I hope you don't take it for granted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsGODTySH0E