Sunday, March 03, 2019
Snowfall and Townes
Been listening to some Townes Van Zandt this morning and watching the snow fall. It is a very wet snow and is not expected to accumulate, but it's pretty. For as much as I love Townes, I did not own one Townes CD, until today. The post office delivers on Sundays these days. How strange. They brought me a Townes CD and a new top I can wear when I walk. It's big, so I won't feel so self-conscious. My t-shirts are all too tight (my XL t-shirts). I need to be comfortable when I am walking.
Watched the film Lion last night. I think it was a well-made film. The cinematography was incredible, and the story compelling, and the acting was quite good, especially the acting of the little boy who played Saroo as a child. The movie is based on the true story of Saroo, who got on a train and fell asleep while he was waiting for his older brother to return to come and get him. The train travels 900 miles away from his home. He is too little to know where he lived, and he did not understand the language in Calcutta, where the train finally stopped. He is adopted a few weeks later by an Australian couple and grows up in Tasmania. 25 years later, he goes to India to search for his birth mother, brother, and sister. It's quite amazing that he finds them.
Right now, I am listening to the soundtrack from the movie Hell Or High Water. The music for the film was done by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis. Just amazing work, as always, by Nick Cave. What is not to love about that man?
I am going to post a video of Townes singing Dollar Bill Blues--the song featured in Hell Or High Water. This video was made less than one year before Townes died. Sad I never got to see him and did not know his work when he was living.
From Wikipedia:
With the passing of time, however, a clear distinction has been made between the production and Van Zandt's poetic, often brilliant songwriting, with Mark Deming of AllMusicenthusing, "Townes Van Zandt wrote songs with an uncommon grace and poetic clarity, and he sang them with a voice that was at once straightforward, eloquent, and mindful of the arid beauty of his images...the album's production and arrangements occasionally suggest that Jack Clement and Jim Malloy didn't always know what to make of what he brought them."
Watched the film Lion last night. I think it was a well-made film. The cinematography was incredible, and the story compelling, and the acting was quite good, especially the acting of the little boy who played Saroo as a child. The movie is based on the true story of Saroo, who got on a train and fell asleep while he was waiting for his older brother to return to come and get him. The train travels 900 miles away from his home. He is too little to know where he lived, and he did not understand the language in Calcutta, where the train finally stopped. He is adopted a few weeks later by an Australian couple and grows up in Tasmania. 25 years later, he goes to India to search for his birth mother, brother, and sister. It's quite amazing that he finds them.
Right now, I am listening to the soundtrack from the movie Hell Or High Water. The music for the film was done by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis. Just amazing work, as always, by Nick Cave. What is not to love about that man?
I am going to post a video of Townes singing Dollar Bill Blues--the song featured in Hell Or High Water. This video was made less than one year before Townes died. Sad I never got to see him and did not know his work when he was living.
From Wikipedia:
With the passing of time, however, a clear distinction has been made between the production and Van Zandt's poetic, often brilliant songwriting, with Mark Deming of AllMusicenthusing, "Townes Van Zandt wrote songs with an uncommon grace and poetic clarity, and he sang them with a voice that was at once straightforward, eloquent, and mindful of the arid beauty of his images...the album's production and arrangements occasionally suggest that Jack Clement and Jim Malloy didn't always know what to make of what he brought them."
Saturday, March 02, 2019
Uncertain
I got back on FB yesterday. I posted some pictures, commented on the documentary Icarus and the film Hell Or High Water, posted music from Townes van Zandt, John Prine, & Jeff Buckley, and updated my home page with a new picture of Isaac, Zollie, and Keen. It felt good to be corresponding with people, but I drank too much and listened to too much sad music and cried a lot. I didn't feel well when I got up this morning, and I'm sure it is because of the alcohol and because I stayed up too late. So, I do think I need to curtail my time on FB. I need to leave it active, I suppose, and just not get on there. I can try that. I unfriended so many people, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want loads of folks viewing my timeline.
Not sure if I'll go walking today. I think I would feel better if I did walk, but we'll see.
March movies:
Hell Or High Water
Icarus
Not sure if I'll go walking today. I think I would feel better if I did walk, but we'll see.
March movies:
Hell Or High Water
Icarus
Friday, March 01, 2019
Movies and Miles
Life without FB has been different. I have watched a lot of movies (just looked at my list--that's not a lot of movies!, but compared to only watching HGTV and Chopped, it is progress in trying to be engaged as opposed to trying to be numb and tune out anything of substance) but am not reading enough. I am still reading The Naked and The Dead, which is a good book, but I am struggling to stay focused when I read--even when reading the newspaper. Here are the movies I have watched since I deactivated my FB account (it feels silly to make a point of saying anything about FB, but I need the perspective right now).
Roma
Manchester by the Sea
At Eternity's Gate
The Two Killings of Sam Cooke
Day For Night (Truffaut)
There are others, but I can't think of them at the moment.
I walked my 20 minutes today, and I only got in one mile. I felt like I was walking slower, and I was! That's okay. My plan/goal is 20 minutes. It's not about speed at this point. I felt tired today and didn't want to even finish the 20 minutes, but I did! So, my goal was to walk for 20 minutes, 2-3 times a week for the first two weeks of my Fitness Formula membership, and I have walked 3 times since Tuesday, so I have met my goal and can now exceed it if I feel like walking again tomorrow, Sunday, or Monday. Tuesday is the start of week two.
Roma
Manchester by the Sea
At Eternity's Gate
The Two Killings of Sam Cooke
Day For Night (Truffaut)
There are others, but I can't think of them at the moment.
I walked my 20 minutes today, and I only got in one mile. I felt like I was walking slower, and I was! That's okay. My plan/goal is 20 minutes. It's not about speed at this point. I felt tired today and didn't want to even finish the 20 minutes, but I did! So, my goal was to walk for 20 minutes, 2-3 times a week for the first two weeks of my Fitness Formula membership, and I have walked 3 times since Tuesday, so I have met my goal and can now exceed it if I feel like walking again tomorrow, Sunday, or Monday. Tuesday is the start of week two.
Blue
This morning, I woke up feeling blue. I had been dreaming about a woman I once worked with. She was initially a nice enough person, and I thought the working relationship was going to be a positive one, but I couldn't have been more wrong. When I witnessed the way she spoke to little children who were entrusted in her care, and I witnessed how the school system did nothing to protect them, I could no longer tolerate her, and the rest of that year was one of the most stressful in my life.
I was dreaming that I was standing in her yard (I'll just call her Bea for the sake of having a name here) near her front porch talking to her groundskeeper. I knew him, but I had not seen him in some time. I had my dog with me, but she didn't look like Molly. In the next scene, I am sitting on the steps of her porch eating a chicken. My daughter brought it to me, and I was taking bites out of it from one side and the next. It was a whole chicken which appeared to have been deep fried. Molly (or my dog in the dream) kept trying to eat the chicken, so the "yard boy" went inside and got me some foil, and I wrapped up the chicken. He continued to work on the yard, and then Bea arrived with her three young children in tow along with her husband and several other people who were family members. She had that same old scowl on her face, and she passed by me without speaking but made sure she made eye contact with me. They had been to the lake or a beach. They were wearing bathing suit cover-ups. She and the children went inside, but her husband stayed outside. I asked how he was doing, and he said, "I don't know. And, that's the truth." I smiled and said I understood and then said something about how we can feel one way one moment, but ten minutes later, we may feel completely different. He smiled and said, "Very true." It was nearing dark, and I started looking for my youngest, who was not in the first part of the dream, but was supposedly with me though I don't remember when he entered the dream. I was thinking that the yard help (groundskeeper, yard man, yard boy, etc.) must have taken him home as he knew where I lived and knew I would be walking home (which isn't far from Bea's home in reality). I remember thinking her house was on the wrong side of the street--something I had not noticed when I was eating the chicken and talking to the groundskeeper. It threw off my sense of direction and discombobulated me. I became more concerned about where my youngest was, and it was growing darker by the minute. I started running with my dog, but I couldn't keep it up. We were nearing Main St., and she kept pulling so hard that I feared she was going to get away from me and get hit by a car on Main St. I remember thinking I was almost home when it became completely dark. I thought I saw blue lights flashing from my street, but I realize I was already awake at that point and was lucid dreaming. So, when I realized it was morning, I looked around and felt so disconsolate, regretful, and gloomy. I thought about how this woman has enjoyed so much in her lifetime and since we last had contact, which was over 30 years ago. She has friends, travels, enjoys the lake life, stays fit, had respect from coworkers, retired with most likely a decent monthly retirement check, has a beautiful home, blah blah blah. I couldn't shake my feelings of envy and disbelief, and the whole cognitive distortion about fairness would not leave me. How is it fair that someone with such malevolence toward select children, such haughtiness, such little positive regard for others gets to have so much in life? And, then, I stopped myself and just thought about the many blessings of my own life. They are many. I have known joy. I have traveled. I have three amazing children and equally amazing grandchildren. I'm not in a good place right now, but I have been. I have known great joy and equally great sorrow. I do not want to keep finding myself comparing who I am, and what I have or haven't done, with other people. I need inner peace. I need to find ways to love the person I am and to forgive her. I need to let happiness come into my house and live here with me. On that note, I am going to find my note on happiness and log it in here. I did weigh this morning, though I was not going to as I knew that if I had gained any weight since the last time I weighed, my mood would be in the toilet for the rest of the day, but, surprisingly, I have lost some weight--maybe 3 pounds and a total of almost 8 from my highest weight of last November.
I was dreaming that I was standing in her yard (I'll just call her Bea for the sake of having a name here) near her front porch talking to her groundskeeper. I knew him, but I had not seen him in some time. I had my dog with me, but she didn't look like Molly. In the next scene, I am sitting on the steps of her porch eating a chicken. My daughter brought it to me, and I was taking bites out of it from one side and the next. It was a whole chicken which appeared to have been deep fried. Molly (or my dog in the dream) kept trying to eat the chicken, so the "yard boy" went inside and got me some foil, and I wrapped up the chicken. He continued to work on the yard, and then Bea arrived with her three young children in tow along with her husband and several other people who were family members. She had that same old scowl on her face, and she passed by me without speaking but made sure she made eye contact with me. They had been to the lake or a beach. They were wearing bathing suit cover-ups. She and the children went inside, but her husband stayed outside. I asked how he was doing, and he said, "I don't know. And, that's the truth." I smiled and said I understood and then said something about how we can feel one way one moment, but ten minutes later, we may feel completely different. He smiled and said, "Very true." It was nearing dark, and I started looking for my youngest, who was not in the first part of the dream, but was supposedly with me though I don't remember when he entered the dream. I was thinking that the yard help (groundskeeper, yard man, yard boy, etc.) must have taken him home as he knew where I lived and knew I would be walking home (which isn't far from Bea's home in reality). I remember thinking her house was on the wrong side of the street--something I had not noticed when I was eating the chicken and talking to the groundskeeper. It threw off my sense of direction and discombobulated me. I became more concerned about where my youngest was, and it was growing darker by the minute. I started running with my dog, but I couldn't keep it up. We were nearing Main St., and she kept pulling so hard that I feared she was going to get away from me and get hit by a car on Main St. I remember thinking I was almost home when it became completely dark. I thought I saw blue lights flashing from my street, but I realize I was already awake at that point and was lucid dreaming. So, when I realized it was morning, I looked around and felt so disconsolate, regretful, and gloomy. I thought about how this woman has enjoyed so much in her lifetime and since we last had contact, which was over 30 years ago. She has friends, travels, enjoys the lake life, stays fit, had respect from coworkers, retired with most likely a decent monthly retirement check, has a beautiful home, blah blah blah. I couldn't shake my feelings of envy and disbelief, and the whole cognitive distortion about fairness would not leave me. How is it fair that someone with such malevolence toward select children, such haughtiness, such little positive regard for others gets to have so much in life? And, then, I stopped myself and just thought about the many blessings of my own life. They are many. I have known joy. I have traveled. I have three amazing children and equally amazing grandchildren. I'm not in a good place right now, but I have been. I have known great joy and equally great sorrow. I do not want to keep finding myself comparing who I am, and what I have or haven't done, with other people. I need inner peace. I need to find ways to love the person I am and to forgive her. I need to let happiness come into my house and live here with me. On that note, I am going to find my note on happiness and log it in here. I did weigh this morning, though I was not going to as I knew that if I had gained any weight since the last time I weighed, my mood would be in the toilet for the rest of the day, but, surprisingly, I have lost some weight--maybe 3 pounds and a total of almost 8 from my highest weight of last November.
Thursday, February 28, 2019
Still Beautiful
When Wes and Sanja visited almost 3 weeks ago, Sanja brought me flowers. They still looked so beautiful 2 weeks later that I had to take some pics on Monday. The roses are all dead now, but the lilies and the other flowers (tried to find them in my flower book so I would know their names but didn't see them in there) lasted a long time. I still have them!
Picture Day
I'm tired today and a little sore. It's overcast and cold. Not sure if I will go walking today, but it's okay if I don't. My goal was 2-3 days this first week for 20 minutes. I have been 2 days and plan to go again tomorrow. I don't think I'll be as sore then. I can't remember my dreams from last night. I woke up around 4 and felt uneasy and remembered the dream then, but I have forgotten it now. I'll just post some pictures I have taken in the last week. The daffodils and helleborus are in my yard. The other pics are from the cemetery.
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