Yesterday (IF, Day 1)

Yesterday, I did my intermittent fasting and did not have any alcohol. I struggled to fall asleep and tossed and turned all night, but I made it.  I am not craving alcohol (I don't think I am an alcoholic--I just love the way I feel after 2 margaritas).  And, I am not too hungry (last meal was completed at 5:15 last night and it is 9:31 in the morning).

I am trying out the 15/9 instead of the 16/8 IF plan.  My coffee is brewing. 

I don't want to focus on calories nor my food choices at this time.  Most days, I choose fairly healthy foods, but I could stand to incorporate more veggies.  Yesterday I had:

roasted pork tenderloin, a slice of dark rye bread with caraway seeds, a slice of Tillamook cheddar cheese, a bowl of homemade vegetable beef soup with 4 crackers, coffee with cream, 2 square slices of thin crust meat supremo pizza, 2 barbecue chicken wings, and some ranch to dip the wings in.

I love the dark rye and will have more this morning.  I'll have more of the tenderloin.  I want to make an olive oil dipping sauce for the bread, but that will really ramp up the calories. Again, I am wanting to focus on the IF and change in alcohol consumption at this point.  Those would be 2 positive changes.  I can they take a look at incorporating more veggies and fruits.

Picture of the day: Self-portrait with ornament

Intermittent Fasting

I haven't tried intermittent fasting, so I think I will try that. I will do the 16/8 plan (although women can do a 15/9 or 14/10 plan and still lose weight). By doing a 15/9, which is what I am going to try, I will essentially not be eating after 6 in the evening, which is my worst time and will be my greatest challenge.

Today, I started at 8:50, so I hope to stop eating at 5:50. I am such a breakfast person that I don't think I can do an 11-7 or 10-7 plan on a regular basis.  I wonder if I have to stick to the same 9 hour schedule each day or if I can mix it up on days I want to eat a little later (going out to dinner). I'll do some research.

I have tried keeping a food journal, joining a gym, and counting calories. I have not been successful.

Goals for today:
Read
Play solitaire
Clean the dining room
Clean the kitchen
Put away my clothes
Put summer clothes in Lauren's room
Start taking the tree down

That sounds like enough.
 Picture of the day: Frozen bird bath

On friends

I don't have a best friend. As a matter of fact, I don't know that I have many friends. I have people who contact me occasionally, but I don't have one single person I would call right at this moment to tell them how lonely and alone I feel.  Not one.  I don't have anyone.  I don't know that I ever will.  What did I ever do to make this my reality?  Day after endless day, I am here in this house. No one comes by. No one calls. No one.  It is starting to get to me.  I am wondering why anything matters.  How does my life matter?  If I die, my children and grandchildren will miss me or have deep sadness that I have died, but there will be no one who will sit around and talk about coming to see me, what fun I was, how creative I was, how silly I could be, etc etc.  No one because there is no one.

My Rothko

Garden bell

And, so, it begins

No hot water.  Hole in the bottom of the tank.  Put out the pilot light.  Have to get new hot water heater.  Waiting on call back to see when plumber can come.  Rain on the way.  Basement will likely flood.  Hot water heater is in basement.  Plumber probably couldn't put it in today anyway.  Probably 800 bucks to replace and pay for labor.  Supposed to go to Lauren's tomorrow.  Not looking likely. 

Dark day.  No sun.  Lightly raining.  No motivation.  Did not do well with my goals yesterday.  What's new?

A new year and a new decade

Well, it's here. 2020.  How can that be?  When I woke up at 4:50, I had all sorts of thoughts running through my head about this new year and new decade, and thoughts about the last 10 years.  I felt like I knew what I wanted to come here and write about, but now that I am here, I just feel tired and unenthusiastic about writing anything.  So, I will simply make a list of goals. I don't know that I'd call them resolutions.

Become less self-absorbed but spend more time on myself
Lose 4-6 pounds per month until I reach a healthy weight
Drink less
Move around more
Read more
Do more crossword puzzles
Watch more birds
Start walking
Renovate my bathroom
Finish the porch renovation
Start keeping a cleaner house
Continue getting rid of unnecessary items, particularly things in the basement
Get basement cleaned and everything off the floors
Bleach the basement floors
Paint the entryway to the basement
Get an estimate on renovating Lauren's bathroom
Get bathroom renovated and put new floors in my bathroom
Get old entertainment cabinet out of the living room
Write in journal no less than 4x per week
Spend less time on social media
Learn to use new camera
Clean out the closet in the study and in Wes's room
Get lights in closets working
Paint wrought iron rails out front
Get a word processor/windows on the computer
Get an iPad or notebook of some kind

That's a lot but in the whole scheme of things, it's really not. Some people could have those things done (on the work list) in less than a month.  But, I am not some people. I am a morbidly obese, depressed woman who feels rather lost and hopeless, so this list is ambitious.  I have to make some positive life changes, and they start with me and my attitude and my well-being.  I can't possibly be my best when I feel bad all of the time, and I feel bad all of the time mostly because I am fat and out of shape, and I drink too much.  I deserve more, and so do my children and grandchildren.