I was sore last night. My calves and my upper thighs, especially where the thigh meets the arse. Sore from a 20 minute moderately-paced walk yesterday. I couldn't believe it. But, I am so large and so out of shape that it should not surprise me. I made a concerted effort yesterday to be engaged in life. I joined a gym and walked for 20 minutes, ate proteins and drank some pomegranate juice, took Molly for a walk and took some pictures, spent time planning how I'm going to arrange the art on my bedroom walls, drank less alcohol and ate fewer chips, felt more optimistic, and went to bed early (though it took hours to fall asleep). I woke up this morning (early, the first time) and felt immersed in a sense of joy. My mind felt clear and my sense of satisfaction with myself was in a healthy zone. I was dreaming about a man I know but have not seen in a long time. He was taking care of a friend's child, and my young children and my in-laws were with me on a vacation. We were preparing to leave when I went to clean up items we had left from our visit. I remember picking things up from the sand and brushing chairs off, but I don't recall the ocean or a lake or beachfront anywhere around. He sat down in one of the chairs I had cleaned off, and I sat down in the sand in front of him. We were laughing and sharing some thoughts about something. My daughter (adult in this part of the dream) came and told me it was time to leave. She said, "You two look mighty cozy." I laughed, and he told her he always sat like that in any chair (slumped back, legs apart, his toes in the sand). I got up from the sand, and he handed me my friend's child. The child wanted to show me something, so in the next scene, I am with the child near a pier, holding her in my arms. She squeezes out of my arms like a slippery fish and lands in the brackish water. I reach down and pull her out, and she spurts out water like one of those little boy water fountains. I laugh and tell her she is a silly goose and to not try that one again. We then are joining the family again, but this time my daughter is a child, again, and we all climb aboard a trolley. We wave goodbye to my male friend, and I tell him I will contact him soon. I woke up at that time, but I fell back asleep and dreamed my mother-in-law was driving a large car (old model Cadillac). In the car were my young children, my sister-in-law, and my father-in-law. We arrive at a rather nondescript building on the coast. My mother-in-law is dressed fashionably in late 60s couture. She has on a pillbox hat, fitted jacket, and knee-length skirt in a wedgewood blue color with small silver flecks. She looks troubled and says she can't remember what we are supposed to do next. I tell her that we need to go to the gift shop and get our tickets for the train. I reassure her that if we miss the train this day, we'll just get a hotel room. I reassure her that we'll have fun. I feel calm, happy, and free from fear of plans going awry and missing trains and connecting cars. My father-in-law says the silverware is almost too heavy to hold. I agree with him and tell him we are going to go to the lobby with the fireplace so he can warm up. I am such a calming presence and so helpful and understanding of everyone's concerns and needs. It appears to help them all feel calmer. I look out from the lobby and see a large vessel on the water and wonder if that is the ship from which we just disembarked. I am thinking of the train ride and how we had forgotten that we would be on the train all night long and that my mother-in-law's car would be parked here. But, I wasn't troubled. I was just living each moment and felt free and happy. And, I woke up wondering where I was and what time it was! It was almost 9:30, so here I am now at 11:27 having just finished breakfast 30 minutes ago and wondering if I should try to walk again today or have a day of rest and go tomorrow. I am feeling that if I don't go daily, I may not stay committed to this, but I set a goal so I wouldn't feel pressure but would feel motivated. I'll give it another hour and then decide if I want to go try another 20 minutes. I'm feeling like I want to be at 30 already.
I am noticing my dreams this week include sand and water. I need to think about that.
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