Ashes

Ashes to Ashes Scattered across the world, one ocean to the next, what is left of this vibrant young boy is now floating with flotsam and jetsam. His bones burned into eternity enter the waters, dropped from baggies lovingly and with great grief from friends and extended family. In one picture, a man on a pier opens a bag. The look on his face could be labeled: determination, sadness, responsibility. So, there you are, now, my nephew, though your face still looks out at me from the pictures I have on the refrigerator, the ones your mother posts online, the ones I just see in my mind. I do not know where you might be now. I want to believe what I want to believe. You are well, playing, kicking a soccer ball, meeting a girl, falling in love, arguing with your mother about what you should wear to your middle school dance, cutting your face with a razor for the first time, out- growing your clothes in one short season, living the life you will never get to live. To say goodbye is not enough. Anger clouds rational thought. I cannot let it go. Maybe, one day, when I sit in front of the great ocean of choice, I will feel you there in the waves lapping at my exposed toes, energy exponentially filling my aging body with so much joy for having known you.