Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I Had To Put Molly To Bed

Just because she would not stop looking at me.
It is unnerving at times. She had been fed,
taken out to potty, petted and loved on,
given a treat, looked at and praised. But, she
would not stop looking at me. I was trying
to watch a movie, Beginners or something
like that. I was very focused but could see
her watching me watch the screen, could
feel her intensity when the scene shifted
to the father's death. She did not attempt
to paw at me, as she so often does to get
my attention. She just simply kept looking
at me. So, I paused the film, got the treat
bag out, told her what a good girl she was,
led her to the crate--which she very willingly
entered--and gave her some of those fancy
organic things for dogs. She seemed happy
enough at the moment. She is there still.
The movie is not over. I feel as if I relegated
her to child who cannot understand
the emotion, who does not need to view
the dymanics of relationships, who must
certainly, above all, be spared such pain.

No one will watch you more or as intensely as your dog. A book I read last year (Inside A Dog, I think), discussed this "watching." Unless Molly is eating, romping, sleeping, or going to the bathroom, she is watching me. She watches me: cook (of course, hoping I will drop a morsel), watch a movie, talk on the phone, read, dance, clean the house, cry, laugh, smoke a cigarette, put something together, eat. When I turn out the lights to go to sleep, there she is--watching me as I pull the covers up and try to get comfortable. Always watching with those big brown eyes.


LKD said...

I think I'd crumble under that kind of constant scrutiny. (grin)

My friend has a rather brilliant dog who is attached to her, utterly devoted to her every action just as Molly is to you. I think it's sweet and heartbreaking how bottomless and unconditional a dog's love can be for its owner.

I was going to say that cats are different but years ago I read a book called, I think, A Cat is Watching, that depicted cats as constant, attentive observers of human beings.

My father's cat was as attached and devoted to him as any dog would've been and kept him company regardless of what he was doing whether he was working with loud tools and saws in his machine shop or doing a crossword puzzle in his recliner.

I can't imagine life without a cat or dog. Elmo is lying on the table right beside me as I type this. If there weren't birds outside feeding in the bitter cold, Bob would be at my feet but he's busy birdwatching at the sliding glass door.

So, you liked Beginners? I gave it my best shot because I love both Plummer & McGregor but I couldn't stick with it. If the film had been a bit more linear, or if the story had focused more exclusively on the father's transformation after his wife's death, or on the family's past--I damn LOVED the flashbacks, and the mother, my god, I loved the mother--maybe I would've stuck with it.

But I bailed. Bad girl! Bad film watcher! (I felt so let down. I read and heard such great things about the movie and was disappointed in both it and myself. I felt like in not being able to watch it I had failed it as much as it had failed me.)

Maggie said...

At times, I do indeed crumble. At times, Molly has to go to bed for a little while because the intensity gets to me.

I never think of cats as being that attached, but I know they can be, as was your father's. My little Oreo loves us all so much, but she doesn't sit there and watch me or have to be in the same room with me all of the time. She has her moments (and would probably have more if Molly didn't annoy her when she's trying to sit in my lap!).

When we got back from Nashville last night, Molly was so thrilled to see us. FOr the rest of the night, she stood by whatever chair I was sitting in as if she were guarding me and trying to prevent me from leaving again. We were only gone overnight, and I had a friend check on her, but it just upsets her so badly when we go away overnight. Oreo is glad to see us, but she is not enraptured and completely overcome with joy like Molly.

I liked Beginners. I did not love it. I found it worth the watch. Like you, I wish they had spent more time developing the relationships. I loved the mother, too. I pretty much concur with the Rotten Tomatoes score. Not the best film I have ever seen, but a good one. Sometimes I am just not in the right place to watch certain movies or start certain books.

Reading Just Kids. I can see why it won the NBA. Very well written, honest, interesting, intelligent. Looking forward to coming home from work and diving back into it.