Breakdown
I just don't know what I am going to do. Instead of getting better, I am getting worse.
I can't sleep. I wake up every hour or two all night long.
I really thought I was going to just lose it during the night last night.
Got up and started my pot of coffee..sink full of dishes.
Just went into this sate..GD this and MF that and trying to scream
but my voice just couldn't get to the level of scream. I am so f'ing tired.
And I am angry. So angry. About things that happened during Dad's illness
and about Dad dying. What't the point in anything? We live and we die.
And if we can't make things good in the in-between, what's the f'ing point?
I really feel terribly fragile today.
2 comments:
maggie,
hope you are feeling a little better by now. I forget the stages of grief, but you seem to be in the angry one. I'm not sure when I went through that, mostly I remember the regrets....and now of course, just the ongoing inner sadness.
Wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I can't.
I wish someone could say something to make it better, jim, but I know I just have to live through it. Yesterday was an extraordinarily bad day. Today I am just exhausted, mentally wiped out, emotionally spent. Yes, I am in and out of the angry part. Mostly I am just sad. Thanks for stopping by.
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