Day 1: Trying

My goals for today:

Stay out of bed for most of the day
Finish deep cleaning the kitchen (cleaning corner cabinet, mopping)
Cook spaghetti
Wash my clothes, wash guest room bed linens
Brush my hair and put on make-up
Dust the study
Vacuum carpets
Plant Brussels sprouts and kale

If I can accomplish this list, I will feel like I have done something. I stay in bed so much of any given day either playing Solitaire on my phone or reading.  I have gained 6 pounds since July 2 (at which point in time, I was already 90 pounds overweight). I am getting more depressed by the day thinking I will be unable to make changes in my life which would bring me a level of happiness and put me on a path to wellness.  I see others do it and don't know why I lack the motivation to do the same thing.

I want to eat sensibly, so I refuse to go on a fad diet like Keto or Atkins or Weight Watcher's. I know my problem, and it's more about alcohol intake than food, though I tend to eat more carbs when I am drinking (potato chips). Carbs are not the enemy. Depression, the need to relax, and the in ability to feel relaxed without my evening alcohol have led me to this place. This miserable place where all I do is think about how fat and miserable I am. No one can change this but me.

It's 11:33. I got up at 9:00, and since then, I have eaten breakfast, checked email and Facebook, washed my face, brushed my teeth, played Solitaire for about 30 minutes (in bed) and started a load of clothes.  I'll post an update on my day later.

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It is now 3:41. From 2:05--2:40, I lay down for a little while and played Solitaire on my phone, but other than that, I have been busy and out of bed all day. I have two things on my list left to do: mop the kitchen and plant my veggies (which I don't plan to do until this evening when it is cooler). I am tired. I think this list was too ambitious. I forgot to put on  makeup, but it's all good. I didn't go anywhere, and I would have been rubbing my eyes. I'm fairly certain I am allergic to the eyeliner I am using. I will have to try a new kind.

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6:05. I planted the Brussels sprouts and kale about 30 minutes ago and am now inside. Just put the water on to boil for the spaghetti. I did everything on my list today.  I do feel some sense of satisfaction from completing my goals for the day. So, it's not that I can't get things accomplished--it's more that I don't want to some days.