Day 2: I will try again

Today is Thursday, the 15th of August.  I do not feel like setting goals, but I will. Today, I plan to:

Wash my face
Brush my hair
Change clothes
Dust and vacuum the living room
Dust and vacuum my bedroom
Clean the bathrooms
Dust the dining room
Wash dishes
Use the swiffer on the hall floor
Hang up/put away my clothes
Water the flowers near the front door
Read some of Brene Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection
Read some more of the A.A. Milne bio
Try to stay out of bed more
Try to think less about how fat I am
Try to drink less tonight

I already have heartburn and it's only 9:05. I usually don't have heartburn during the day, but I had a sausage biscuit with cheese and a glass of milk about 7:30, and it didn't set well with me, apparently.

I woke up at 3:47 and was awake until about 6:30 or so. I don't feel well this morning from too little sleep and this heartburn.  When I wake in the night, I lie there and ruminate. I think of all of the things I wish I had not done and all of the things I wish I had done differently.  I think about how my entire life has been one of fear.  It robs me of my joy.  Why was I born this way?  Am I just do broken I cannot be mended?  I want to be able to do the things other people do without having fear. I want to fly. I want to travel.  I want to ride a roller coaster. I want to go snorkeling. I want to go horseback riding. I want to go on a hike. But, my fear keeps me from doing so much.  I don't know how to change that.

That's all for now.

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Forgot to update this. Today is Tuesday, August 20th.  On the day of this original post, I did everything on this list except clean the guest bathroom. No one uses it anyway, so I didn't feel too bad about that.